Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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