My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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