I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
