We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
