i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
