Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
