i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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