I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
