so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
