the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
