Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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