I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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