Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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