your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
