my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize