I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
