I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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