The maid of honor just puked.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
