Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
