I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
