Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You are the jesus of drinking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
