He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
