i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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