saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
