Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's like a pop up book from hell.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
