If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize