Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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