his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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