What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
