The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
