but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
