she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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