I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
