is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
