you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
