I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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