come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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