dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You ate ashes out of my bong
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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