The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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