Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize