Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
