tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
