It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
