I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
