He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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