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My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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