Can i not drive my cunt home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
