i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
