New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
