he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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