god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
