Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
