He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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