let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
