why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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