I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm too high and old for this...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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