I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
