I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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