Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize