I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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