Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
