it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
