My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
