I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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