Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
