Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
