i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
