may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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