There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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