oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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