remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
